Do I look like I can't cope???

Pic not too out of date btw!!

Reason I asked - I had to take toddlers at my church today because T was at the doc's and J was poorly, she's 73 with a bad chest, plus she has to walk there (today was windy).

Now, just about 2 and a half years ago I took this toddler group for 6 months, week in week out, on my own. I went down the day before with the kids and put the toys out. Then on Friday mornings I got on with it, greeted the mams, checked tea and coffee was being made, circulated etc, directed toy putting away time, took songtime at the end, waved everyone off and tidied up.

Today T went the night before to put the toys out for me. Ok, fair enough, she was being kind. One of my best friends, she knows me well, knows I've been tired since having Rosie as I described in my last post.

However, when J heard I was going to be on my own, despite being 73 and ill she staggered up the road and arrived before me and took charge. Made me feel as useful as a mouldy lettuce. Pish!

That's not the bit that's really bugging me though. Oodles of new people all came at once so it was very busy. 35 or so mams and nearly 40 kids instead of the usual 20 ish. I turned to my friend A and commented I felt a bit overwhelmed. I meant that I was going to need a radio mike to take songtime with such a roomful and that I hadn't been able to get round all the newbies and meet everyone. A interpreted me wrongly, no idea why, and said, in a really sympathetic gentle voice, 'Oh do you find crowds difficult?'.

Do I give off a 'I can't cope with life' vibe? I don't think so! I've taken my other toddlers, a much harder prospect - no washer uppers and unfriendly geography between toy store and hall - on my own several times recently due to M's car troubles. I take breastfeeding sessions with expectant-in-every-sense parents who have paid to be there and expect me to deliver (no pun intended!) frequently. I answer the phone to distraught women who expect me to help them with their breastfeeding in the first three days. I look after four kids with no family help whatsoever and (if I say so myself) they're doing all right. Ok so I get depressed sometimes. I cope with life by handling this rather than denying it and getting help when I need it. I was actually glad J was there, but I didn't *need* her. If I had I would have said. And I certainly didn't mind being in a crowd! Not that there would be anything wrong with it if I couldn't - but I would be honest about it and not set myself up to take a toddler group if that were the case.