February 29th

Thought I'd post today since it will be four years until I get the chance on this date again :-)

To combat the blues today I bought lunch - chips and gravy. I am lucky enough to have two chippies within walking distance, although it has to be said I rarely use them. Today however I decided to - and I had ready brek afterwards. Real comforting stuff!

This slump is possibly something to do with Mother's Day. Hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Constant advertising bombardments, 'spoil your mum', with the implication that she is some god-like being who deserves it. Well, mine lives down the road and hasn't been to see us for years.

So in my house I accept anything the kids have made me graciously in order not to spoil it for them but otherwise try to forget the whole thing. I always say I'm not going to go to church but always end up going in order to please them, then always regret it after it's so upsetting, such as prayers 'Thank you God for all our Mothers, whether they're here or have passed away...' never any mention of crappy ones who are 'here but not here.' I'll bet I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way, tons of people have crappy mothers too. Daughters of the world's rubbish mams unite!!

These days I try to move on as much as possible and not dwell on stuff, this week has been unusually melancholy. Well, it is Mother's Day .... I'll endeavour to snap out of it asap. I try to look after myself, to be my own Mother. I do a reasonable job with my kids, why not myself too? I feed myself, cook for myself, take good care of myself, don't allow myself to behave badly in relation to self or others as temptation arises .... part of calling myself 'mam' in my blog was to reflect this. Not to make myself seem like the Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe as I sometimes feel like when Blogger signs me 'mam' in other people's comment boxes! I am the mother now, the family is me, dad and the kids. The past is healing, slowly, but surely. Yes it's been a bad week. But hey - it's Mother's Day! Next week will be more positive, for definite.