Losing someone special

Somebody I really care about is about to go to be with the Lord.

I haven't seen much of him for a couple of years - he's been really poorly for a long time and my wild toddler was way too much to inflict upon him and his (absolutely wonderful) wife. Plus of course life gets busy. Which is awful. I feel terrible.

He was lovely to me when I was losing my family, coming to terms with buried memories, and therefore having horrible panic attacks regularly in 2004-5. He has panic attacks too, I assume for very different reasons, I have no idea and would never want to pry. Probably all tied up with the Parkinson's disease he's suffered from all the time I've known him.

But when I was wondering if I was going mad, and feeling like the only person in the world this happened to, he said to me, 'Hmmm you know I often feel funny too. And no-one ever laughs!' a moment of very dry humour - and complete understanding. I'll never ever forget him for that.

He was never well enough after that to see much of him, in fact sometimes I'd call round and he'd go off to bed. But when he saw me he was lovely to me. He's never going to know now how much that meant. I hadn't realised myself until he I got the news that this is probably the end, he has pneumonia, his Parkinson's is out of control, and he's peaceful in hospital.

Wish I could somehow relive the last couple of years and go round more. But I probably still wouldn't. He was really poorly, I can't magic my kids away, I couldn't impose. His wife is so lovely I could eat her with a spoon, maybe when the dust settles we can see more of her, but maybe not with four home educated kids now on my hands.

Just shows that sometimes we are making a huge difference to the most unexpected people's lives. This guy won't have known how much he meant to me, he hardly ever saw me. We plod along day to day doing our best and have no idea who is watching. The way they both as a couple have handled the last few years of his illness has probably been an inspiration to many many more people, it has been a privilege to see a tiny part of that.