Well I have to say I've thoroughly enjoyed the last couple of days. I feel physically better than I have for weeks, and a lot more relaxed, which I put down to having got everything done so I can actually start to feel christmassey at last.
The First Day Of The Holidays was a little stressful I'll admit - its always hard to go from just having Rosie to get out of the door to having three older ones! Things like informing them that we're about to go out then realising two minutes before we go that they're sitting there in no socks and hair unbrushed drives me **mad**. I know, I know - they're just kids. But there's so damn many of them I can't keep on top of who has done what and who needs to still do what so I need to get them independent pronto! the first mad dash was to the Doc's for me where I got the all clear about my regularly haemorrhaging nose - so thats ok then :-) To be fair they were very, very good at Rosie's bosom buddies Christmas bash in the afternoon, and today has been better we've shaken down a bit and found our groove.
Dad has been really under the weather, he's full of cold. When he gets grumpy a general air of disapproval hangs over our household, to the point I nearly start calling him Valerie ;-) and at times like that I wonder why he didn't marry someone more ideal for him. Someone in fact like most of his friend's wives - sorted, tidy, organised, not prone to much imagination or flights of fancy, sporty and outdoorsy. I am scatty, untidy, organised-because-I have-to-be-to-survive-but-it-makes-me-prone-to-stressed-out-meltdowns, extremely imaginative and prone to very impulsive flights of fancy such as 'here is our lovely new houserabbit darling', not at all sporty, and outdoorsy as long as it is interspersed with regular stops in cafe's for a vanilla latte and orange and lemon muffin, and to reapply my lipgloss :-))) Still, as another friend M commented, it was me that he married. It's been a bit better today (at least until just now when Martha arrived home from a party and upon being asked what she ate replied 'not much. Oh but there was lots of chocolate'!! - a bit of disapproval re-emerged, fair enough I guess!) - I think things are on the up. I took all three girls out this afternoon making the most of my new energy, and I got up early and left him to lie in this morning.
When Dad gets up early he puts the dishes from last night away, tidies up, then zones out with the kids in front of cbbc. At about eight thirty he goes and pours the kids cereal for them ina very slow and controlled manner, putting all the clips back on the bags, then when that is done he turns and makes tea very precisely with even strokes of the teaspoon. When I get up I take my duvet with me and snuggle on the sofa with them, then panic at eight thirty and go to run a bath, put a few dishes away and make tea all at precisely the same time so its all kind of half done in stages, then I shout at the kids to pour their own cereal. What would one of those matchmaking agencies make of that I wonder?
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4 comments:
There was a great article on BBC news this morning about the rise in relationship breakdowns over Christmas, because we all seem to think we need to perform as the perfect family this time of year. And then, of course, when we don't,and we won't of course, it's impossible 24/7, we are dissapointed. The advice was not to point score, not to try to win, not to prove the other is a complete idiot. Count to ten, and get along with each other. I told hubby about it after I saw it, and we've been laughing and making reference to it all day, if one of us trys to out-smart the other, or corrects the other, or are snappy etc, etc, etc..... I'm glad I saw it, as it's become a lighthearted way of diffusing situations when they arise.
Sounds a good idea! Points scoring is soooo bad, for all relationships but especially marriages cos they're so 'in your face 24/7', yet most of us probably so it on a bad day!
The best bit of advice I've ever heard about marriage is to forget totally anything about getting what you need from the relationship, and just entirely see your role as serving the other person. Not sure how well it could work as i'm totally a selfish human being, but it's a very good principle. Stops frustration at expecting the other to 'give me what I need' and puts the responsibility elsewhere.
It sound to me like you're both well matched. Imagine what the household would be like if your partner was as disorganised and scatty as you are? Or what it would be like if you were both as regimented and unspontaneous as your partner sounds (I realise I don't know either of you, and these judgements are probably very inaccurate. I'm just going off the impression you give in your blog post). Those wouldn't be very happy households. The fact that you both have different strengths and flaws mean that your whole family gets to benefit from a wider range of gifts than if you were just "his 'n hers" versions of the same person. And your whole family is protected from your respective weaknesses. Sounds to me like you have a great marriage, Mam.
Hahaha yes you're about right Melanie despite not having met us :-)
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